On the Move … Again

On September 30th, I began the adventure of a lifetime. I left my home for the last six years (Arizona) and am in the process of driving to my home state of Minnesota to live there for the next 10 months. Not only am I moving back to the North Star State, but I will also be living with my parents for the entirety of my stay. This will be an “adventure” since I am now 32 years old. I have to refer to this life change as an adventure otherwise my decision causes me to have a panic attack and write mean things about myself in my journal. “Dear Diary, Today Joleen ate an entire block of fudge while watching ‘The Bad Girls Club’ and she hasn’t washed her hair in two days. What a loser.”

I am moving back to Minnesota for a brief period of time in order to spend time with my family and save for a move to Los Angeles next summer. I am of course excited to see my parents, brother, family, my parent’s cats and friends; however, I can’t help but feel like some sort of failure for making such a move in my 30’s. Luckily, I have a really awesome job and manager who are allowing me to retain my job through both of my moves. And I am also lucky to have such supportive parents who are willing to take me in FREE OF CHARGE for 10 months.

My decision to move back to Minnesota was a difficult one because it feels like I am taking a detour on my route to California, but it is a necessary step in order to be fiscally responsible for the first time in my life. I plan to pay off debt that I have incurred from many years of retail therapy and college (a bachelor’s degree and 1 year of grad school cost me over 30k). I won’t be able to pay off all of this, but I can put a dent in it and then whatever is left on my student loans, I will just put into forbearance and hope they forget about it. In my head this scenario seems possible.

While most of my friends in Minnesota have families, 401k’s, houses and husbands, I am moving in with my parents. If only I could organize an “Unmarried, 32 and Poor” shower for myself. I’d gladly register at Wells Fargo, Big Lots and Ruby Tuesdays in order to start my life as a pigment-challenged gal who is finally moving towards her dream of working in comedy/entertainment in some facet that would allow for comfortable financial survival and give me the purpose I’ve been searching for since I was a young girl.

I’m sure some people think I’m somewhat delusional to believe that I can move to LA and succeed, but it all depends on how you define “success.” For me, it is merely the ability to make money doing what I love, which is writing, telling jokes and performing. I’ll take all three, but if I can only have one, I’m okay with that too. It wasn’t until just before my 29th birthday when I realized that I only have one life to live and I must live it on my terms…no matter how it may look from the outside.

At times, it has been hard to accept the fact that I am on a different path than most of my peers. I’ve been in more weddings than I can count and seen my friends give life to these beautiful little creatures that change the very core of who they are. It’s an amazing thing, but it’s not in the cards for me just yet. In fact, it may never be in the cards for me. Instead of making a family, owning my own home, taking the kids to little league games, having a career I love or vacationing with a husband in Aruba, I choose to spend my time telling jokes to drunk strangers, performing long-form improv for strangers, recording YouTube videos for strangers to criticize and call me fat in the comment section and writing this comedy column for strangers. This path can best be summed up in one word: strange.

I am excited to see where this adventure takes me. Even if I fail miserably, I can at least say that I tried. My biggest fear has always been looking back on my life and regretting that I did not follow my dreams. So I’ll take the road less traveled and hope that it makes all the difference. And if it doesn’t work out, I can always pretend it did on my Facebook status. So good-bye Arizona. Thank you for the best six years of my life. Living here, I became the person I wanted to be and for that I am forever grateful.