Relationships are tough, especially at the point of the relationship where one or both parties are wondering where is this going from here?

Once the honeymoon phase fizzles out, it’s all about learning to compromise, communicate, and overall co-exist with another human.

This can also be the scariest time in a relationship because it usually helps determine if it’ll last much longer than the first few exciting months.

But how much of the longevity of a relationship do we subconsciously control? Perhaps it’s more than we think.

We’ve all heard the term, “Setting ourselves up for failure.” It’s when someone has it set in their mind they are doomed to fail at something specific, and inevitably create a series of events that lead to their failure.

Call it a self-fulfilling prophecy, or maybe the easy way out, either way it almost always leads to the end of something because that’s been the mindset put into place.

Just as we can set ourselves up to fail at work, we can also set ourselves up to fail in our relationships.

Perhaps we tend to get scared right around the time when the honeymoon phase trickles away. Maybe this reminds us of a bad turning point from the last relationship and it brings up fears of the relationship ending.

Although you might not be outwardly willing the relationship to end, you are subconsciously setting up a course of action based on your previous experience.

You are convinced of what is to come so you wait for it in anticipation. Little do you know you are also lending a hand to see these expectations through.

When we have it in our mind that something is going to happen, we very often end up creating or setting up the dominos to eventually fall into place. Then we can say, “See! I knew this would happen.”

Yes, it did happen because you willed it to happen. Instead of setting up things to fail, try keeping a positive mindset and learn to approach the situation with optimism.

True, things could still not work out and the relationship could end, but at least you know you did everything you could to make it successful, and it just wasn’t meant to be.

When we keep a positive and healthy mindset on things, we approach them differently and with the mentality that drives success over failure. Because we are not setting things up to fail we reap the benefits such as a job promotion or a healthy and lasting relationship.

So the next time you find yourself in the setting-up-to-fail headspace, try to quiet the monkeys and think of ways you can set yourself up for success. You might be surprised at the outcome.