Why Do Married Women Cheat?

I have been asked to discuss the topic “Why married women cheat?” on a radio talk show called TheMothers.com. This topic has been addressed in my college classes, and individual sessions with women that are having marital issues. Oftentimes, women who have experienced infidelity from their spouse want revenge by cheating on their husbands.

As we all know, marriage takes a lot of hard work and compromising. After 35 years of being married to my husband I have realized that “letting go” of little, annoying issues has created a more harmonious home environment. Learning to admit my mistakes and creating new experiences together has enhanced our marriage, especially after going through the empty nest syndrome.

For women who have been unfaithful in their marriage there are important questions to ask yourself, “Can you forgive yourself?” and “Can your husband or children forgive you?”

Women who have been married for many years may feel the fire in their marriage has burned out. Sadness, loss of communication, a lover who is distant, or that the passion is gone in the marriage are all normal feelings women may have.

So, why are women choosing to be adulterous in their relationship? Studies show women want to feel an emotional connection with their partner, whereas men may be non-emotional, and are just looking for a sexual experience, or to fulfill a fantasy.

Below are a few of the many facts the website Truth About Deception have compiled:

• 50 to 60 percent of women admitted they engaged in an affair
• A study done at Indiana University showed men and women cheat at the same rate, unlike the common myth that men are more likely than women to have an affair
• Research conducted by Buss & Shackelford, both professors of psychology, show as high as 60 percent of married couples will be unfaithful at some point in their marriage
• The World Wide Web has made it easier than ever for spouses to engage in online affairs
• Wives are not to blame for their husband’s infidelity 
• Infidelity is becoming more common among people under 30-years-old
• Many working men and women spend more time at work than at home. The number, and likelihood, of striking up an office romance continues to increase.

Women, what can you do to avoid engaging in infidelity?

• Seek individual counseling
• Seek marriage and family therapy
• Couples need to learn to apologize to one another
• All of us need validation in our marriage by complimenting one another about various things
• Set up a romantic weekend
• If we visualize that we may lose our partner from having an affair, it could help us refocus our attention in a more positive way
• Schedule sex, but come up with something creative
• Try something new that would be fun to do together
• Show gratitude for the positive things your spouse does for the family
• Stop yelling. Going to a public restaurant where you both have to keep your voices down allows for cordial communication. Use “I messages” instead of blame and finger pointing

Monogamy is very difficult in our society. Try to remember the beginning years, and why you chose to write your own vows. Change is inevitable, and feelings need to be addressed instead of running away from them, or to someone else. Utilize a counselor who can help you put your marriage back together again. There are many marriages that have experienced infidelity, and although it may take some time, it is possible to regain the trust within the marriage again. Oftentimes, we can create new relationships in an old marriage that may be even stronger.