Now, with the advent of social networking sites like Classmates.com and especially Facebook, things have changed considerably. In fact sometimes, unless a page is very private, it’s almost impossible to avoid old friends. Usually this encounter results in nothing more than some posts (“Hey, how’re you doing? How’s the wife/husband? Got some great lookin’ kids there…”) and checking out photos and mutual friends. However, in some rare instances what develops is more serious, fanning the spark of an almost-forgotten romance into a flame.
While it’s possible for this to happen at a high school reunion, there’s a different flavor to a long distance cyber affair. It can easily become a fantasy world, where a ‘lover’ exists above the concerns of daily life. Paying the bills, caring for the kids and taking out the garbage don’t exist in this place, where a casual reference to past dalliances can easily grow into some hot and heavy emails, texting and so on. Late at night when one’s spouse is asleep, or during time alone can be prime time for escape into a cyber lover’s digital ‘arms’.
Some try to justify this as not actual cheating because it only happens online. However, experts clearly define it as emotional infidelity. Time and attention of the partner involved in a cyber affair are being drawn away from the marriage. Cyber-sex, phone sex, etc are viewed as sex, plain and simple. And according to some studies, about a third of cyber affairs will become physical.
So what can you do if the signs point to the fact that your partner may be having a cyber affair? Checking an email account accidentally left open worked in one case of which we know. However the cheater is most often too smart for that. Usually there are secret email accounts and private Facebook messages, texting, IM and possibly even Skype IDs when video is involved. Well, the same technology that brought about the cyber affair can be used to detect and monitor it.
In one case with which we’re familiar, a stealthy monitoring program was installed on a PC where a spouse suspected that an online affair was being conducted. The program runs undetected, and can only be accessed via a specific combination of keys chosen when it is installed. When the keys are pressed, an anonymous box opens asking for a password. Only then is the captured data revealed. The program took periodic screen shots every few seconds and captured everything typed into the computer, including email ID’s and passwords, emails, texting and photos.
In this case, a secret email address was uncovered with its password. Screen shots and other data provided by the program showed that indeed a cyber affair was being conducted with a former lover, and a meeting was being planned. Prior to the discovery, the cheating spouse had complained to family members that their partner was paranoid and controlling. Needless to 
One would hope that the revelation would lead to counseling and rebuilding of the relationship. Unfortunately in this case the result was a divorce. However, the wronged spouse felt as if they had done the correct thing in exposing the affair. So, before engaging in spying on your spouse, be aware that you may find out what you didn’t want to know.
(Sidebar?) There are many programs out there which, in addition to monitoring or finding evidence of cheating, can also protect your family from predators and porn sites. Family Cyber Alert, SpyBuddy, Net Nanny and Safekeeper all provide varying degrees of monitoring capability. Spector Pro captures everything done on a PC. This link has some great info on the legalities of using monitoring software.
